good!

Life is pretty good!

I love my classes, and I think that taking three will be great because I'll really get to focus on them. Practice has gotten off to a great start and I'm feeling good physically and mentally about it. The only bad thing: it's bitter cold outside, I think with the wind chill it's been around 1 degree Fahrenheit. YIKES.

Tuesday: I ran a 4 x 400 sprint workout and hit between 80-85 seconds per 400!!

Thursday: Turned in an application for a position with the Aga Khan Foundation! 3 down!

Friday: Ran just shy of 2 miles in 12 minutes! That's almost 2 consecutive 6-minute miles!

And now, headed out for a night out with Sara and Steph :)

what hell must be like

I had this thought tonight while watching President Obama's State of the Union address: what former president George W. Bush must be going through must be similar to hell, or at least how classic mythology and Dante made it seem. The idea of being punished eternally for things you did wrong during your lifetime...even though you realize what you've done wrong, you're made to suffer for it forever. It's terrifying.

I just figured that must be what it feels like. That must be what it feels like to see the repercussions of poor decisions, ignorance, hasty statements pan out. I know people sometimes say that George W. Bush "is/was a bad person" or "is/was evil", but I like to think that he genuinely had a thought that he wanted to lead the American people to being a successful, prosperous nation. He just wasn't smart enough to do it and he wasn't humble or smart enough to recognize the things he had done wrong or consult smarter people to make the right moves or at least advise him in making the right ones. And so now he gets to see the whole country, the American people, suffer the consequences, and hear over and over and over and over again about how the last decade and "for eight years" the country was tumbling downhill...with him at the steering wheel. Over and over and over and over again. And to know that you'll be remembered for making mistakes. That must be torture.

I'm not writing about this to sound snarky, spiteful, or like a die-hard left-wing, "I hate him" pundit. It's more just a speculation, a thought. This is why I can't be a politician. I'm too emotional to be able to hide behind a mask. Too empathetic, perhaps, and to my severe detriment. I almost feel bad for the guy.

this is it

I figured I'd have one of those moments where life just really feels like it's happening. I knew it would happen at least a couple times this semester, but boy, it's only the first day of classes! It's that feeling of seeing the world spin around you in a blur and things are changing, leaves turn colors, people grow and cities expand, and there's nothing you can do to stop it or slow it down and you feel like it's all leaving you behind. Exciting, thrilling, but terrifying all at the same time.

I had dinner with a bunch of old friends who I don't get to see that often and Sara and Colette. I learned in an hour and a half that:

1. One of my friends is engaged. The date is set, wedding plans in progress. August 28. The first of us gets married.

2. One of my friends got into law school.

3. One of my friends is leaving Wellesley and will not be graduating with us and may not be back to Wellesley at all.

4. Someone I know just landed a job at Google.

5. Another close friend of mine is working in a congressional office in D.C. and just moved there over the weekend.

6. A teammate of mine is leaving Wellesley.

Proud of those who have accomplished and sad for those who have been unhappy and wishing them happiness and better times in the future. But wow. You spend so much time thinking of yourself when times get rough that the next time you open your eyes, everything has transformed and you feel like you're the only one that's been left behind.

I'm not saying I feel badly about where I am, after all, I'm only 21 years old, not even out of college yet. I haven't even finished my first official day back at Wellesley for my senior Spring semester. I've got time, I've got opportunities, I've got a life to live! It's just shocking to see all of this, almost feels like a slap in the face, but not quite as degrading or painful.

When did we grow up? When did the days pass us by? It seems that I've been walking with my gaze upon my feet. I look up and suddenly "the future" and an obscured, blurred view of what lies ahead has appeared at the end of the path.

It's exciting to be stepping rapidly towards the unknown, the unplanned. I've grown so used to living by my planner, my calendar, knowing that the next step was middle school, then high school, then my first summer job, then college, then my first internship, then this class, then that class, and now there's nothing to say where I'll be, who I'll be with, what I'll be doing. Exhilarating, terrifying...life.

one more time

I'm headed back to campus for one last move-in before I graduate! How crazy is that? I've had this empty feeling in my stomach, nerves, I guess, and I don't know what it's from. All I know is that things will be different, things can only go up from here. It hasn't REALLY hit me that after this semester, I'm not going back, at least not as a student. Perhaps that will be more of a reality when I've found out what I'm going to do for the time after I graduate.

I've made all sorts of New Year's Resolutions that are, so far, holding up pretty well. Though, as usual, I've made a bunch of resolutions that are not measurable and so I kind of just have to try. That's all we can do, though, in the end: all we can do is try our best. I have all these ideas for an amazing semester. I'm taking three great classes: Intermediate Spanish, Economics of Education Policy, and Intermediate Macroeconomics. I have an awesome, intense season with the Whiptails coming up, and I'm hoping either to land the job I applied for with the Wellesley Centers for Women or (if I don't get that) I'd like to volunteer with Wellesley Words on Wheels or another volunteer education program.

I've started a list of things that I want to do for fun this semester. Hopefully I'll make the time to do it, though I know I tend to get lazy into the semester:

- snowshoe tour of the Sculpture Garden at the DeCordova Museum

- visit the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum

- do a silly photo shoot with my friends in the Arboretum

- throw a Valentine's Day event (I used to make Valentine's Day cards and cookies for all my friends in high school...I turned it into a general LOVE day, friends, family, etc. not just for those who happen to have a significant other)

- go out to a salsa club

- perform one more concert

- maybe try performing at an open mic night sometime??

- have a picnic on the far side of Lake Waban

Well, that's the working list. We'll see! I need to get back to packing...yikes, leaving in 45 minutes!

People I Love

I've had a really wonderful break, plenty of time to rest and relax but all sorts of productive activity and lovely times spent with family and friends. Particularly with my family. Now that all four of us kids are in college, it's hard to get all of us in one place at the same time. We all have our own friends, our separate identities, and as Mom put it so eloquently, it's like we've finally each become individuals, and she says it's like meeting us all for the first time all over again. I've really enjoyed the chance to be with my family for an extended period of time, and al the love, jokes, the bickering, and the family dinners have certainly helped prepared me for the exciting that I have in the semester to come.

I went down to Washington, D.C. this past weekend to spend a few days with Sara, Colette, and Steph, three of my best friends, all of whom are from Wellesley. We had planned to go out but ended up lolling around the house in pajamas and sweatpants both nights...it was WONDERFUL :) We did end up spending Saturday in the city museum-hopping and saw some great things at the Museum of American History, the Museum of Natural History, and the National Portrait Gallery. We ate tons of incredibly delicious food prepared by Sara's mom and spent hours talking, gossiping, and catching up!

Then, another good friend, Sam, came to visit and spent the night. I showed her around Princeton and we watched "The Hangover" with Jin and then went on a fabulous nature walk the next day. I have to say that I still don't understand how that film won "Best Musical or Comedy", but I found it incredibly entertaining and not quite as crass as I thought it would be. I bought a nature walk guide book a long time ago that outlines trails around the Princeton area, so I decided to open it for once and found a nice description of a trail in the Institute Woods. IT WAS GORGEOUS. While earlier rains left the trail quite muddy, it was still a wonderful time. We came across a swinging bridge and some really interesting fallen trees. I haven't had that much fun just frolicking around in nature for quite some time.

It's kind of depressing that I've only come to this epiphany. After having lived my whole life with an incredibly loving and supportive family, and with all the wonderful friends that I've made and people I've met, I should've known by now that love isn't always found in a designated significant other and that there are relationships more important than the ones that you find at the end of a romantic fairy-tale.

I guess what I'm trying to say is explained in the following citation from my journal. Call it cliché, call it silly, but it's the truth. It goes a little like this: "Love those who would love you unconditionally, not for the curve of your waist or the twinkle in your eye, not those who judge you, but those who criticize you out of love for who you are. Love those who would not put their pride over harmony between you, and love those who love you and not the mere idea of you." Doesn't cover it all, but I think it's a nice statement.

In the end, I've learned that love, family, friends, relationships...they're all so simple, yet complicated, only because we seek to reason everything out and explain it all. When in the end, all that really matters is that it's making you happy and that you do your best not to hurt anyone else along the way.

already?!?

I sent out my first two completed job applications last Thursday and have ALREADY received one rejection notice. WHAT?!? It has been 6 days. 6 DAYS.

Don't worry. I'm not going to let this freak me out or anything, it's just a little frustrating as I know have my work cut out for me. It would've been a cool opportunity. *sigh*

Well, onward!

new year, new start

Happy New Year, everyone!

Well, it seems I need to start blogging again...I have to say that I've been unfaithful to the blog and have taken up writing in an old-school hand-written journal again (it's very pretty, orange patterned cover, unlined pages, etc.). It still feels more authentically emotional to me than a blog, but I guess that was never the point of a blog anyway!

I am writing from home, home being Princeton, NJ where I've been for the past almost-two weeks with my family enjoying the holidays, which have been so relaxing and wonderful. Boy, did I need it! It was a tough Fall semester for me and I'm so glad to see it over and done with and I am more than ready to kick off a new year, with new year's resolutions, new starts, and all. 2009 was definitely a year of self-discovery, emotional growth, and the necessary pain that must occur for all of those processes to occur, and I feel like I'm now ready to take that and move into the rest of my life with perhaps a shaky step but a mind confident that things can only get better from here on out :)

I am spending Wintersession (January 2010) at home with my family...but not just bumming around (although that will certainly take up some portion of it, of course!) I'm skipping from Spanish 101 to 202 next semester and so I've a whole bunch of Spanish studying and self-teaching to do, which is both exciting and rather daunting. On top of that, I have decided to delay graduate studies or applying to graduate school for a year or two and am therefore looking to gain some more experience in the fields of economic social policy analysis and am hoping to land a fellowship, job, or internship in a policy think tank or research institute. So, I'm working on job applications, as well! And then, I've decided to teach myself how to use some computer stuff such as HTML webpage design, and remind myself how to use STATA. And, of course, lots of reading for leisure :)

All in all, a productive but very enlightening winter break for me, something that makes me more than happy, especially if I can do it from the comforts of home with my loving family. Here's to a New Year!