this is it

I figured I'd have one of those moments where life just really feels like it's happening. I knew it would happen at least a couple times this semester, but boy, it's only the first day of classes! It's that feeling of seeing the world spin around you in a blur and things are changing, leaves turn colors, people grow and cities expand, and there's nothing you can do to stop it or slow it down and you feel like it's all leaving you behind. Exciting, thrilling, but terrifying all at the same time.

I had dinner with a bunch of old friends who I don't get to see that often and Sara and Colette. I learned in an hour and a half that:

1. One of my friends is engaged. The date is set, wedding plans in progress. August 28. The first of us gets married.

2. One of my friends got into law school.

3. One of my friends is leaving Wellesley and will not be graduating with us and may not be back to Wellesley at all.

4. Someone I know just landed a job at Google.

5. Another close friend of mine is working in a congressional office in D.C. and just moved there over the weekend.

6. A teammate of mine is leaving Wellesley.

Proud of those who have accomplished and sad for those who have been unhappy and wishing them happiness and better times in the future. But wow. You spend so much time thinking of yourself when times get rough that the next time you open your eyes, everything has transformed and you feel like you're the only one that's been left behind.

I'm not saying I feel badly about where I am, after all, I'm only 21 years old, not even out of college yet. I haven't even finished my first official day back at Wellesley for my senior Spring semester. I've got time, I've got opportunities, I've got a life to live! It's just shocking to see all of this, almost feels like a slap in the face, but not quite as degrading or painful.

When did we grow up? When did the days pass us by? It seems that I've been walking with my gaze upon my feet. I look up and suddenly "the future" and an obscured, blurred view of what lies ahead has appeared at the end of the path.

It's exciting to be stepping rapidly towards the unknown, the unplanned. I've grown so used to living by my planner, my calendar, knowing that the next step was middle school, then high school, then my first summer job, then college, then my first internship, then this class, then that class, and now there's nothing to say where I'll be, who I'll be with, what I'll be doing. Exhilarating, terrifying...life.