one year and two days

It's already been a year and two days.

He would have been 22 next Tuesday. We are left with the memory of his big, heart-warming smile, his laugh, the peaceful, appreciative calm with which he experienced every moment, and his thoughtful commentary and observations. Sometimes I feel selfish for crying or staying up at night in fear, confusion or sadness, as it was not I who felt all of that pain. I still wish that we had all seen the signs, that I had spent more time with him after that last lunch I had with him in the sun, that I had emailed or called a few more times. I wish that we could have helped take away all the darkness that he carried alone.

But in the end, it's not the regret or the sorrow that he would have wanted us to feel; he was always one to be optimistic and considerate, one to take each moment with a heart full of gratitude, and I think he would want us all to do the same.

So, here's to you, dear friend, to you, your smile, your laugh, the happiness you brought to all of those who were lucky enough to have crossed your path, and to the lessons of open-mindedness, optimism, and perseverance that you have given to all of us.