oh no

I just counted and realized that I only have 9 days of class, scratch that, 8 days of class left as a college student. May or may not be breathing rapidly. Oh god.

yes.

I reluctantly admit that I have become quite a fan of "Glee"...the concept of putting out a mainstream sitcom in the form of weekly musicals has fascinated me from the start, but I didn't like the first couple episodes. I really enjoy it now!

Anyways, this week's episode was about female empowerment, Madonna, and guys being douche bags. BEST. LINE. EVER.

"I am a powerful woman and my growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality!"

marathon monday

Today was my last Marathon Monday as a student at Wellesley College...hate to get nostalgic again, but I'm going to have to tell you that my thoughts, songs, and writings are going to have that tinge of reluctance and memory to them as I continue to move towards the end of my time in this beautiful, crazy, but beautiful place. I got together with a few of my friends, including one who studied abroad with me in Aix from Amherst College who came to visit for the weekend, and we got dressed in Wellesley College Scream Tunnel tee-shirts and got ready to cheer up a storm!

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the famous Boston

Marathon "Scream Tunnel", let me tell you a little bit about it: the Boston Marathon course passes right next to Wellesley College along Route 135. Year after year, Wellesley women have lined the road with hands waving, clapping, voices cheering, screaming, smiling, holding signs, giving embraces, high-fives, and kisses to the people who have taken on the challenge of running 26 miles from Hopkinton to Boston. From what I hear, it's an incredible, invaluable experience for those running. As they hit the half-way point, right before "Heartbreak Hill", they're given an extra burst of energy and hope as they approach and run through the deafening support of thousands of Wellesley women. This year, I got to see a whole bunch of classmates, old roommates, alumnae friends, and inspiring individuals run through, and it was thrilling! It's always inspiring to see people running for love, for friends, for causes, for life...

It was a really weird feeling, seeing good friends, alumnae, former problem set partners, roommates, and club members running by and cheering them onto success. I have a feeling that this is what life is going to feel like from here on out. We're going to see our classmates' names, our friends' accomplishments written out in the sky and in lights, proclaimed in the paper and on the television someday, and I won't be able to help but be proud and smile and cheer them on, knowing that we've had a common four-year experience. Of course, none of our times in college have been the same, but we have an understanding, a strength that I don't think that many other people can say that they share when they leave college.

another nice dream

I had a dream last night that it was some time in the future and I was standing on the sideline of a Whiptails practice. George was coaching and we were working on our horizontal offense. I was still wearing an ankle brace and not allowed to practice/run...but then suddenly between points, I got excited, and I ran across the field and it didn't hurt, and my brace came off and I could play :)

so proud to be a wellesley woman

I just got back from watching a student-written, directed, and performed musical called "Jack in the Shutterbox." While some of the performers were somewhat inexperienced...I was floored. The student, a girl in my graduating class, who wrote all the music and first had the idea to write this was inspired to do so when she lost one of her childhood friends and experienced loss with the Virginia Tech shooting that occurred a few years ago. The music was original, the staging of the show was fabulous, and the story was WONDERFUL. It all took place in the dreams/subconscious of the main character, Jack, a 20-something year old man who finds his dream-world invaded by elements of reality that he is not ready to or willing to face, particularly the death of his childhood friend, Sarah. It was SO well done, and I'm incredibly impressed. As you can probably imagine, I cried. Big surprise. A lot of people did, actually. The pain and reluctance that are apparent in the script and songs are clearly translations of the composer's own experiences and sentiments. It is amazing what life, passion, and persistence can produce and what brilliant people can do with the experiences that enlighten or befall them.

This is not the first time that I've been totally blown away by the brilliance of my classmates and fellow Wellesley women. I'm not saying that I'm a fan of everyone...in fact there are plenty of people on this campus that I'd rather not see or talk to again. But isn't that the case with the world in general? But here, here at Wellesley, every other conversation, every person I meet has a story, a reason for being here, something he or she wants to accomplish, some small secret or hidden pleasure that makes them unique and helps them to bring a new perspective to the world. Wellesley most certainly hasn't been the easiest college experience, and at times, I'll even admit that it hasn't been fun. But I wouldn't give up any of it. I've learned, changed, grown, experienced so much in my four years here. The disorientation, the laughter, the pain, the happiness, the frustration, the sadness, the stress, the smiles, the warm hugs, the cold glares...I wouldn't give up any of it. Even the sprained ankle. Though it sucks A LOT I think I'm learning things from the ridiculously terrible experience.

Just in this year, I've seen several amazing student theatre productions, witnessed (and been a part of) a campus-wide fight against hetero-normative/sexist violations of the right to free speech and privacy, had friends and classmates do amazing things like volunteer in medical clinics set up children's education programs in developing countries, and forced me to question my own beliefs and principles to remind me that I can't just HAVE an opinion but have a reason for it.

I. love. Wellesley.

Updates

Exciting news to report about my job search!

I had an interview for a Research Assistant position at the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston last week, and I felt like it went really well. It was my first "real" phone interview, and we talked about the position itself, the structure of the bank, my career and academic experience, and we talked a lot about my schoolwork, specifically my papers about the U.S.-China Trade Deficit and my Econometrics final research paper about the effect of parental presence in childhood on long-term educational achievement in South Africa. I'm still waiting to hear back about a follow-up to see if I get moved on to the next round or not, but no matter what happens, I feel like the first round went well!

Then, next week, I'll be interviewing for the final round for the selection of the Marian K. Chamberlain Fellowship at the Institute for Women's Policy Research!! I'm a little bit nervous about it, but I'm hoping that just being myself and making evident my interests and passions will be enough!

My friends and I have all been hearing back about jobs here and there, getting second interviews, and it really feels strange to know that we're entering the realm of the real world soon. Bizarre.

Also, I just sent in my withdrawal from the French Teaching Assistantship Program. That was the one solid job that I had. Life, please show me that my faith in hard work and persistence is not unfounded! Here we go.

tough weekend

What a tough weekend. Emotionally and physically.

We ran our hearts out this weekend, by the end we were literally down to the last seven who still had the energy left to sprint out a good cut, play real defense, and run down a long huck. We were also down a bunch of people: two severely sprained ankles, one concussion, and one girl got really sick yesterday and had to stay behind. That took a big hit on our d-line cutters. In the end, we had some disappointing losses, some great ultimate, and in the end a tough loss against MIT to lose in the game for the last spot to Regionals. I was really proud of our team because they played some incredible defense, and a whole bunch of the team stepped up and played the best I've ever seen them play this weekend. A good weekend to do so!

But, as we finished high-fiving MIT at the end of our game, I couldn't help but burst into tears. After everything that I put into the team as a captain and teammate, all the planning, all the meetings, all the incredibly difficult leadership crap I had to put up with (including dealing with angry outbursts, people yelling at me and calling me a bad captain for having to be harsh, and dealing with mental/emotional conditions on the team), and all the personal work I put into getting into the best shape I could possibly be in for my last run in the College Series...I ended up in a boot on the sideline. I definitely enjoyed being there for my team, and I feel like I did a good job calling lines and plays, staying active on the sideline, talking to the defense and offense and helping my teammates out the best I could. In the end, though, not being able to play hurt like a bitch. And seeing my team run so so hard through that last point and having to see the bid to Regionals slip away in the end was really tough. They played so well.

What a year. I can't help it but be selfish and wish I could've played, but I'm sincerely so proud of the Whiptails and all the work they did and the fun they've had this year. Here's to an awesome four years with the Wellesley Whiptails!

Wellesley Whiptails, Class of 2010!

chin up

Ok. I'm done moping now. Kind of. At least for this weekend.

The Whiptails are headed to Warwick, Rhode Island tomorrow for Sectionals! The teams in the Metro Boston area are going to compete for 7 spots for Regionals...here we go!!! While I may not be able to be physically on the field, as a good friend put it, "You can be a presence on the field with your load voice." True. I am loud. And I am too talkative for my own good.

I know that I can be just as effective as a sideline player, teammate, and captain as I can be on the field, and while I'd give almost anything to be able to run around and play, this is all I can give right now, so that is what I will do.

Alright. I need to be up in 6 hours to leave for the tournament...should probably get to bed. Especially now that the pump-up mix I made for the 1.5-hour ride out there is now complete. Good night!

frustration beyond belief.

I went in for a follow-up appointment about my ankle today. It sucked. A lot. So, I'm going to use this post to whine. Not interested? Deal with it. For me, the process of dealing with things like this go as follows: Initial bad thing --> Really upset --> Super angry --> Indifference --> Get over it --> Back to good mood. So it might take a little time.

Good news: I have graduated from crutches to a boot. This means I no longer depend on other people to carry things for me or get my meals for me in the dining hall.

Bad news: My ankle hasn't gotten better.

Bad news: I still have to take a shit ton of ibuprofen every day.

Bad news: I am likely out for the rest of the season, not just Sectionals.

Bad news: Full recovery time has been predicted to take 1.5-2 months.

Bad news: I didn't get a waterproof boot and so I have to cover my whole damn lower leg from the knee down with a freaking garbage bag when it rains. For example: TODAY.

Bad news: I move more slowly with the boot than I did when I was on crutches.

Bad news: I am going to miss the whole first month of Brute Squad tryouts.

Bad news: I can't see a specialist here because of health insurance issues.

Bad news: I don't have time to go all the way back to the tri-state area to see a specialist.

Bad news: The doctor at health services is the most negative, pessimistic doctor I've ever encountered and made it seem like I wasn't going to be playing ultimate ever again. I know that's not true, but basically...LAME.

Bad news: I can't wear the outfit I wanted to wear to Whiptail Prom or to Gala. (yes, you can laugh at me here)

Ugh. Life.

i. am. employed.

I haven't yet decided to accept or decline the position but...*drumroll please*...I HAVE A JOB!!!! I just received an email from the French Embassy informing me that I have been accepted as a French Teaching Assistant in the Académie de Poitiers (meaning the school district of Poitiers, France)! I don't know the exact specifics about my placement yet (whether I'd be teaching high school, middle school, or elementary school or what town it is going to be in), and unfortunately, those won't be released until the summer, after I make my decision about whether or not to go ahead and do it.

I have until April 18th to make this big decision, so I will definitely be thinking about long and hard...I just wish the deadline wasn't so soon!

Though I don't feel like this leaves me set for next year, as I'm not sure I want to spend next year in France, I'm really excited just to receive this acceptance!!! No matter what, I know I have this amazing opportunity to take, and who knows, maybe I will! I just need a little more time :)

gross

Here's what my ankle looks like right now. The swelling is WAYYYYYYYYY down, but the bruising is scary. The bruising actually shows where my ankle ligaments got pulled/torn when my foot rolled under and my body weight fell onto my ankle. Yuck.

good dream

I had a really nice dream last night. I was sitting on a big grassy hill on campus (one of the many big picturesque grassy hills that we have here at Wellesley College), and it was really sunny and beautiful outside, perfect temperature, probably low 70s, just like it is outside right now, and I turned around and a bunch of my Whiptail alum friends, many of whom really helped me to adjust to collegiate life and grow to love Wellesley were walking down the hill to come say hello. It made me wake up feeling very refreshed and quite happy :)

I clearly remember seeing LB, Langdon, Crack, Ralph, Jess Kwan, Tori Kelly, and I know there were a bunch of other people. What a nice mid-slumber surprise!

diagnosis

So, rather late in the afternoon yesterday, I was informed by the health center that I do NOT have a fractured ankle, THANK GOODNESS! It's a severe sprain (type 1 or type 2, which means a ligament was torn or something), and this weekend is supposed to be spent icing and elevating like nobody's business. Their estimate for heal time is 4 to 6 weeks and I could just feel my heart sinking in my chest. I'm not even allowed to try and stand on it until next Friday when I have a follow-up appointment at the health center, and physical therapy and strengthening exercises are off limits until they say I can start to move it. This means Sectionals are out. I know that the better I take care of it now, the more I rest it, the faster it'll heal, and I'm trying to feel optimistic about it, but I've worked SO HARD this year to get to where I am as a player right now, and I've worked SO HARD to help make the team the way it is right now, and the fact that I can't compete at Sectionals is killing me. Don't worry, I'm not crying right now, more just melancholy, though the sunshine is helping lift my spirits a little bit.

It is, in fact, gorgeous outside, sun is shining, finally, and it's supposed to be in the mid-to-high 70s for the next week or so! We deserve after all this rain we've had.

Self-prescribed treatment: get over it. All of it. Obviously the ankle will take some time, but I need to re-focus on my own life and focus on having a great rest of the senior year, being aggressive in my job search, and being happy with my friends and family, and the amazing team that I've had such an amazing time with these past four years!

Here goes nothing!

good, good, GOOD, then BAD day

Considering how ridiculous this week has been, today was a pretty damn good day. It was incredibly productive and enlightening, and I was in a really good mood. My Spanish presentation went superbly, I had a nice lunch with my friends (as usual), I went to a documentary screening (it was really really well done) hosted by a group I'm in called ANKHR (Advocates for North Korean Human Rights), I went to a really informative and inspiring alumnae panel about careers in Microfinance, and then I got an email from Professor Weerapana in the Economics department saying that my resume got passed on through the first cut for an opening at the Boston Federal Reserve Bank. AWESOME!!

Then, one of my worst nightmares came true. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I've literally had nightmares about things like this and woken up crying. At practice, we were starting our sprint workout for the day, a 5 x 200m sprints. As I was crossing the finish line for the first 200m, I was trying to avoid tripping somebody else who was just about to start her first 200m (we did them relay-ish style), I veered too suddenly to the right and my right foot rolled to the outside, and collapsed under my ankle which subsequently made a heinously loud popping sound. Then, I fell over, and it didn't even hurt at first, I kind of just sat there in shock and winced a little, and then I started sobbing and yelling about how "THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME NOW OF ALL TIMES!" Yes, a flair for the dramatic. WHATEVER. You would be that frustrated to if you had the week I've been having and it was a week away from College Sectionals, the tournament I've been looking forward to and anticipating all year during your last year of college ultimate. Yeah, so I sobbed and screamed about the terrible timing.

I have no idea what the diagnosis is, but I can't walk on it at all, and I'm getting really fucking tired of hopping around on my left leg, and it's only been like 11 hours. I am going to see health services first thing when they open at freaking 9:00am because on our campus, medical emergencies only happen between 9am-4pm, so that's when the health center is open. I had my alarm set for about half an hour later, but my body woke me up nice and early so I can enjoy waiting around until the health center opens.

This sucks.

¡puedo hablar español!

My first ever oral presentation in Spanish is now DONE!

I spoke for about 2-3 minutes about Mexican Muralism, an art movement in Mexico during the late 1920s and 1930s. It began as a way for the government to rebuild a Mexican nationalist culture but eventually turned into a means by which artists and social groups protested the status quo. I was nervous...I've been practicing since the beginning of Spring Break, but I think it went really, really well!! One girl in my class came upto me later in the day to tell me that she thought that I sounded like a native speaker, which, to me, was a big deal because she is Puerto Rican and her extended family speaks Spanish fluently. YAY!

So, the reason I chose this topic was...porque este movimiento era una combinación de unos ideales bastante modernos de la sociedad del siglo XX y de los temas estéticos del indigenismo. In other words, I found it interesting that the artists used the art styles of the indigenous people of Mexico to express dissatisfaction and responses to contemporary social issues.

Here are some examples of the pieces from this movement, some pretty cool stuff:

Omniciencia (Orozco)

El Vendedor de alcatraces (Rivera)

In other news, I just applied for my third year as an Overnight Hostess for the Spring Open Campus program on our campus where all the prospective students come to visit and see if they like Wellesley enough to come here or not, hehe. It's always been really refreshing and fun to take a couple days to be really proud of Wellesley and share all the positive things about it with people who are taking a look for the first or second time. Seeing as I'm about to leave this place, I might as well take this one last chance to tell people why I decided to stay here for all four years and am now clinging to this place like nobody's business because I don't want to leave.

As challenging as it is to be a student here and to live here (this is definitely the most intense group of people that I think I'll ever be around in my whole life), I have grown and learned so much, and I wouldn't take any of it back. Even all the shitty stuff, all the tears from being homesick my first year here, the incredibly challenging academics, and I've grown to adore and admire all the people that I've met here that are the walking definitions of "Type A" personalities...much like myself ;)

Well, I've got to get going, as ANKHR is hosting a documentary screening about North Korea this afternoon, then I am attending a panel about microfinance, and then tonight we have practice indoors since we're not allowed to use the outdoor fields because of all of the rain, unfortunately. I was SO looking forward to practicing outside. *sigh*